Mental Illness

Today we need to talk. We need to talk about things that are so prevalent in our lives. The stigma and pain of mental illness. Being LGBT we suffer so much from depression and many other issues due to society and our families. It is a pain we struggle with and not enough of us talk about it.  We suffer so much already.

I'm going to share some things from my life and those I know. The first thing I can say is there is always someone in or near you, dealing with issues, that may need help greater than they can deal with on their own. It is alright to get help. Talking about such things is also ok. There is no shame in someone needing help. There is only shame in those who refuse help or ridicule those in trouble.

Throughout my blog I have talked about my sexual abuse by a family member beginning when I was ten. This person assumed we were in a relationship. We were not. I had no concept of sex at that time. I truly was an oblivious child lost in worlds of wonder my mind provided.

Even to this day that family member walks free and never truly accepts the impact that he had on my life. His mind sees it as a consensual relationship. My mind views it as a horrible awakening into a world of nightmares. There are things I may never forget or truly let go of but I take each day one step at a time.

I talk to whoever I think can handle such, who feels safe. Sometimes I think some of them need to be awarded medals for hearing my stories. They are not easy or kind things to the hear. They can elicit such rage. But I try to remain calm. For me my faith was my comfort.

The sad thing is we have a few in my family with issues. One is the mother of my abuser. When my cousins husband found out about the abuse  he was a good man. He wanted to get me help and call the police. I wish he had. Maybe things could have been resolved better.

But that didn't happen. The mother of my abuser intervened. She is a very xenophobic person and rules with an iron fist. I still recall her words to him as if some stoic iron willed titan glared into his soul. "You married into this family . You are not a part of it. This will be dealt with by us." Sadly it was not.

So my family member was now supported by someone who's xenophobia is so extreme she believes in arranged unions and selective partnerships. In other words if you do not pass her muster you are not worthy of the family. Like I said I have a few in my family.

If she were to read this now she would lecture me and badger me into removing these accounts. To her only her world matters. Even when she does help others it becomes a story to promote herself. I believe there are good intentions there but therein lies a problem.

She in her own minds traumas desperately tries to mold the world around her. If everything is not in place or proper order or if things are not controlled she begins to falter. It is never good to let issues go for to long and not face them. She is proof of such. Her world is a glass menagerie. You can look and admire but do not touch. If one of the animals falls and shatters, so does she. 

I have a friend who is a good man. but being burdened with a failing marriage and working in health care one night a baby died while he was trying to save it. He has never been the same after that. Sometimes we just snap when our minds can handle no more.

Thankfully he got help. Therapy and medicines now give him a much more normal life. He is not healed but I think he is slowly getting better. It forced him to understand his limits and explore more about who he truly is. And that is a good thing. I wish him better days and a brighter future with lots of love.

Another friend of mine has had a life of hardships and family problems. I can't say any one was enough to cause his problems but together they were a weight to great to bear. He still struggles but did get help and he acknowledges the problems he has. I think that is a good beginning.

These are a few examples I can share. Many people have struggles but we have to be most careful. We, the LGBT,  have the extra burdens of violence and lack of acceptance and care.

If you have a problem, are sad, or whatever seems to much for you to handle please get help or find someone to unload your troubles upon. A friendly ear can do wonders. It may not be enough but try. Don't let the darkness shroud your world.

The world right now is full of people who fear, don't understand, or refuse to understand. There is violence, hate, and a lack of love in so many. Raise your beacons and proclaim your existence and needs. Help one another.

We lose to many lives. Let us not lose beautiful minds as well. Be well and be free. When a community helps each other we build things of wonder.

I have love for all people. Even those who have hurt me. It is not always easy and many can not understand. All I can say is love. It may not solve everything but it can heal. Hopefully in time with enough love that part of you that struggles is smaller than the love in your life. Then and only then you can look upon things and realize how small they can become in the scope of of life. 

Live, Love, Forgive!


Love is Never Wrong!