Wednesday, March 23, 2016

What is Love? To me

Lately I have been going through some changes, an awakening if you will. A fog lifted from my life and before it were the true things I hold dear. What a wonderful feeling when you find such clarity and purpose. I knew what I had to do.

I reached out to some who were most dear to me and made time for them. I contacted the dearest in my heart and made an effort to say things I feel I must, to be spoken, to be complete. But he, for whatever reason, did not show interest. So I sit alone with heavy things weighing down my heart.

Being truthful I told some I know my heartache of being unsettled and hurt, knowing full well I will carry it until it gets satisfied. Their reply was forget him, don't let it get to you, find someone else to talk to...

You know those words are nice and practical to many but not me. My very core, its fabric, is love. To try and separate things from it would damage me irrevocably. I have always been this way. Some would say its obsession or a psychological disorder but it's not.

To me love is pure. I'm not saying I can not get jealous, have doubts, or lash out in rage if pushed enough. However I am saying everyone, no matter who, that has touched my heart is there no matter what they have done or chose to not be around me.

I've told you all about my time with T. He did some pretty horrible things to me and uprooted my life unjustly. Still I forgave him. It took me a long time but I forgave him. Even when he drove romantic love from my heart I still loved him and always shall. Love is me.

Let me describe it like this:

I am a favorite piece of clothing. I'm stunning and beautiful in your eyes. Yet my fabric loves to cling to lint which makes it unsettled in your eyes. So you take a lint brush and physically remove the lint. However you don't change the nature of the cloth. It still wants to cling. Maybe you use an anti-static spray to keep the lint at bay. You still don't change the nature of the fabric. You only place a barrier between it.

You can not change the nature of the fabric. Maybe your so desperate you try pulling out the threads that cling the most. Then you create runs which turn to holes, and eventually the fabric comes apart. Love when it's pure is forever. Try as you might if it is true it shall always be there. This is me.

Oh I get angry, tired, hurt like anyone else but it always comes to love. I always forgive and I always extend my hand. I don't give up on people. I try never to tear people down. My truth may hurt them at times but it comes with love which means it is always dignity and respect and from the heart.

Yes the pricks, tears, and pains carry with me for all time until peace can allow those pains to be surrendered unto the heart that needs to hear such. It may be scary or a tsunami of emotions but no one drowns in the warm gentle waves of true love. Because the simple truth is love raises you up to walk upon the waves.

You know I shared a lot about my time with M and the many things we dealt with and some of the wonders we attained. To this day I only want him to be happy. If he has found another I would be happy for love is taking care of him. With him love is also forever but his bears a special place in my heart. If I wrote a sonnet a day for a thousand years I could not express the feelings in my heart.

So I carry all I love in my heart for all time. Even when they cause me pain I carry that. Some of you may not understand that but pain can go with love and enduring separations, hardships, and denials
are one because they are connected to that love.

If my true love lived in Hell and I were in heaven I would clip my wings toss them to him so he could soar upwards as I jumped to the Earth. We would meet in embrace ignoring the protests from above and below because the truth of love is no price is to high when it is pure.

And for those of you with faith, know this. There is one thing Heaven and Hell have in common, love.

I could wax on about love as I already said but to clarify my topic title What is love? To me

I am love. All I touch are loved. All I connect with are love, for it is in them as well. So all those heartaches and pains some tell me to brush away or place a barrier to I say you can not change the nature of the fabric. And please don't damage me in your efforts to try for you will only destroy what is me.

The heartache and tears of a thousand years are nothing in the span of forever. And you know what? My love is forever. I hope each and every one of you gets a chance to know such grace. Till then keep love and faith in your heart, even if it's not faith in God. One you give, the other you receive.

I wish you all love! I wish you all peace!

Love is Never Wrong!

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