Atonement

Sometimes in life we seek atonement. Usually we have caused harm to someone or some people, in some way.  Atonement is the act of setting  things right and seeking forgiveness. It is not always an easy path to undertake. Rest assured however it is one we all must take for our actions.

Life is not always kind and neither are people. We all get hurt, lonely, or desperate. In our pain, anguish, and rage sometimes we lash out. Sometimes it is grievous and cruel. Thankfully though most are not.

Whatever the reason for atonement it is one of those ancient steps to purge the soul of heavy and dark things. The greater the need for atonement the harder it is to achieve. Some acts are so dark it is unfathomable how to begin addressing them, but we must.

Atonement is a hard act to do. Sometimes we are so racked with pain we must forget or wait for a time before beginning. Usually we begin with seeking those who we hurt asking for forgiveness. When we can not get that, things get substantially more difficult.

One of the oldest ways to achieve forgiveness is lower ones self, take on a meek life, or one of suffering and pain. This, however, is not the method for lower transgressions. Monks and religious stringents used to flail themselves for such acts. They sought the path of pain as a both an offering to those they hurt and a way to move forward.

If we are lucky such extremes are not needed but a few, a very few, must walk in pain to find their way. It is a hard and lonely path and it certainly is not for the faint at heart. If your heart is true however and you face your self and your faults with honesty you can.

Everyone in life must choose how they can best atone. Sometimes we may have thousands of lifetimes worth of things to amend. Hopefully however it is just a phone call away. Either way we must atone and we must make the world better.

In order to move forward we must remember that which has caused pain and must honor it. We must set things right. For if we do not we walk a path that will consume us and trust me the path of the unatoned is bitter and cold.

Your probably asking why I am mentioning things usually relegated to religion. My reason is simple. All of us regardless of belief have a duty to one another. We are each others caretaker. We are each others strength. We are each others love.

When we falter we must mend the fabric we have torn. Yes the stitch and patch may remain for all to see. They may see your act and that may make you feel low or shamed. However also visible is the act of mending. You took the time and the love to return integrity to the whole. And that is beautiful.

We in the LGBT community have know so much pain, regret, and hardship. In our own anguish and rage we to have at times lashed out. We carry the burden of atonement as any other. And the simple truth is it began with us and it ends with us.

I can not tell you how to atone for things in your life or to get those who have hurt you to atone but I can tell you  love is and excellent step. If you have hurt, release love into the world. It will certainly take more than the energy of a wrong path but it is necessary.

Be good to each other, help each other, lift each other up , and love. These things are not just for the good times. They are for the dark ones as well. Show your heart and even if you can not get forgiveness from those you have hurt you can achieve it in humility and love.

To those of you who can not forgive let me remind you at some point it becomes you who are creating pain and darkness. Living in darkness and acting with a black heart serves only you and it does not heal you. It consumes you.

Be free! Be Love!



Love is Never Wrong!

A Sacred Promise

When I began this journey to share things from my life I did not expect to open up so much. I have known a lot of hardship and pain.  This blog was never meant to be about me. However I try to fill voids in information with my own story now and then. My efforts are only to help and let others know it happens. Hopefully you can heal knowing someone else shares a pain like yours.

I try not to shame or hurt those in my life who have made mistakes with my words but I think sometimes it may. They are Human to and feel regret and pain themselves. I love them all. I have forgiven all who have hurt me and I hope if I have ever hurt them they to have forgiven me.

 Since I have opened up this path I need to finish walking it. This from here on is for one person only. That would be "T".

"T" I know you know of this blog. I love and care for you deeply. We have always been there for each other if we really needed something so know what I am about to say is only a reminder. You have a Sacred Promise to fulfill. I hope you are making atonement.

I won't say anymore. There has been to much pain over this and I still carry the pain from it. Please fulfill your promise.



Love is Never Wrong!

Thanksgiving

Today in the U.S. is our holiday of Thanksgiving. It is a simple holiday where you celebrate the blessings of the year and those in your life. Traditionally you gather with friends and family and feast on special foods, sharing in the bounty.

This year I want to give thanks to a few people that I can not directly. First and foremost I'd like to thank the sweet lady I met the other day while shopping. Your smile was warm and your kind and friendly chat was most welcome. You cheered this old soul up. It was refreshing. Thank you!

I am thankful also to all the people I have loved in my time. You all have added something to my life. Be they have been good or bad I still hold you all dear. Yes even those of you who hurt me so. So I wish unto you this day peace, love, and much grace.

Finally and certainly not least I am thankful for "M".  I don't think I ever told you just how much I loved you. You were the magical dream. You made me feel like no one else. With a single look you could brighten my world.

I can say with all surety if I could fall into your arms once again I would. But I also can say we would have to address the issues that parted us. Forgiveness is already there. You know that. I have told you that. Some may call me crazy for doing that and maybe they are right. But at least my insanity is love.

My heart has so wanted to tell you so many things I never got to say and share so many insights you never knew. Heaven knows I have many questions for you. But all that aside I have love for you still in my heart.

Maybe it wouldn't work or maybe it would. I guess this heart is saying you always have a place in it. Maybe in the time hereafter I can tell you all those wonderful things I hold inside. And hopefully I can once again hold you in warm embrace. I wish you most especially love and peace.

To all of you my dear readers please be thankful of those in your life. Celebrate the success' you have achieved this year and be proud you were blessed by such love and wonder. May you always find love.



Love is Never Wrong!

Preserving Value

Hello all. I hope your world is bright place filled with joy. Today I have only a simple message for you. Preserve the things in your life that have value. Preserve these many links and words I have given you.

This is no request for money or such. This is the simple truth. I will not always be here. Blogger can fail. One bad election can bring to power people who cause great harm. The reason my vary but the truth remains. This site may not always be here.

If any of the links I have provided or the many words I have shared freely find value in your heart please preserve them. To much is lost to history because of some reason or another. And in a digital age to much is erased.

If it has value to you, save it. Hold it dear. Share it. I think these words hold true of anything of value. So today I only have this to say. Preserve Value!




Love is Never Wrong!

Innocence

Sometimes one of the biggest crimes to people is being innocent. They mock you, call you naive, even say your the problem. It is a bitter irony for a society to prey upon the new or unknowing. It's like a wolf stealing a baby simply because the baby didn't know to crawl away or cry out.

In my own life I have been rather innocent. The world I grew up in was rather tame. Honesty was respected. You didn't hurt people. Most certainly you did your best to help others. And yes you loved those in your life, however they played a role.

So many people I have met along my journey have done double takes that I was for real with my lack of worldliness or savy. I most certainly have been used, lied to, mocked, cheated upon, and hurt. Most of the time they did so simply because they knew they could abuse my trust.

For a long time I blamed myself for not knowing or understanding. I blamed myself for not being more observant or questioning. However with time I have come to realize I was not the one in error. I was not the one causing harm.

There are people in life so set in a path of exploitation that they only wish to get what they want. They do not think of others or if they do its for their own goals. If you ever have the misfortune of meeting any of them please know innocence is not a fault. It is instead a good trait.

If you don't know something, have never been taught, or encountered something or someone that is not a fault of yours. It's ok to to be unaware and naive. If more in the world were like that maybe there would be fewer fights, and less pain and suffering.

Those of you who have tasted the bitter bite of harshness please hold on to that innocent part of you that remains. The world is what you make of it. Please continue to trust. Please help without expectation of return. Please see the world with those innocent eyes.

Surround yourself with others who share those new eyes and hearts. Make your world a place of beauty and peace. Shake off those who use you and let them go. Extend an open hand to the world.
The world may not take it but you have not added to its misery.

Embrace innocence and shower the world with love. Life is beautiful if you see it through innocent eyes.



Love is Never Wrong!

Lifting the Burden

Have you ever felt so hurt, abandoned, or even oppressed that you wish you could run off into some distant field and just let the storm in your life wash it all away? Maybe you were lied to, cheated on, hurt, or whatever but it turned your world into an exercise of pain.

I have dealt with so much pain in life and I know these feelings well. In my own case my openness, love, curiosity, and knack for not giving up on people has contributed to a good deal of it. There is one truth to all that however. That would be it begins and ends with me.

Whatever chain that binds your heart so dearly may hurt and cut ever so deep but it is a chain of your own placement. Do not mistake my words for placing blame upon yourself that is not my intent. However that which touches us is our own.

We choose to love, forgive, and smile. We also choose to hate, hurt, and cry. Yes things outside our hearts may be the cause of our pain but it is only there because we have opened our hearts to it. That's not a bad thing either.

All these pains, all these torturous pains are expressions of a loving heart. If you didn't love you could not feel pain. For there would be nothing to lose. And that my dear friends is a gentle and inconvenient truth of life.

I've mentioned before to incorporate all those dark things and pains in your life to your whole rather than casting them off or burying them in some deep hole. If you embrace that which hurts you you embrace love.

I know it may not seem apparent but it is true. Unravel each rope binding your heart, unlock every chain, and cut the barbed wire that cuts so deep. Weep those sweet tears of pain if you need but know it is your heart. Take each of those stones that weigh you down and use them to build a foundation of love.

Take them and build something wonderful. Take all those wonderful and painful lessons and share them with the world. Take all that pain and turn it into beautiful love. Forgive those who have caused you pain, sorrow, and tears.

You are a beautiful artist and your life is the masterpiece of its entirety. Embrace all those shadows in your heart. That darkness accents the light. It lets us appreciate the day. It gives us purpose to shine. Because hiding in the dark can be scary and only leads to us losing our way.

Lift each of those burdens plaguing your heart and let the rain wash away the dirt and blood. And when the storm passes let the radiant sun shine upon your face, warm your soul, and dry your wet shivering body.

Live, Love, Forgive!



Love is Never Wrong!

A Sober Life

Today I want to talk about the taboo topic in our community, our society. I want to talk about alcohol, so please hear me out. I know so many are staunch one way or another on it but I think I need to share my perspective as it is a issue so wide spread in society as a whole, not just LGBT.

My experiences with alcohol have been quite dark and sad. You should know that before you read any more. However if alcohol is a big part of your life read on you need to hear the other side. I'm not hear to condemn just to give you a new perspective.

In my life I have known far to many who place their lips to one bottle or glass. They sought fun, entertainment, numbness, and escape. The reasons are numerous but it was a wicked barter to achieve such.

When I was a child my fathers mother married a man who was an alcoholic. Generally he was a happy drunk and when he was I was his little buddy. When he was not there were long times between visits to see my grandmother. I was sheltered from the truth but I always knew there was something more.

In my teens I had many friends and people I would hang around with. Some drank and they did so to much. One got in a serious accident that nearly took his life. Another got a girl he didn't even know pregnant because he had no control of himself.  He was a good guy but lacked control when drunk. I didn't understand it at the time but I was there for him and listened.

It was not until my adult life I learned the true darkness of alcohol. You hear all these stories one way or another. You hear those who drink say its so fun and a great escape. It never was an allure to me and I was neutral. I was innocent.

One day I met a wonderful man. He was tall, dark, and handsome.  His mind was sharp and full of humor and passion. He was a dream come true. If I could have stopped time in that moment I would have lived it forever.

However time does not stop. My love, my deep passionate love had a problem. He to sought the end of a bottle. There were many times I was unsure about him in the beginning when he would become drunk. But like always I love first and I tried to help I tried to advise.

But people who impair their minds with alcohol don't always see your efforts as they are. They think you are judging them or trying to control their life. One night my love came home quite drunk and his mood was different. I made the simple mistake of telling him he needed to stop.

In a dark scene from a movie he snapped his head my way and uttered bitter angry words. When I tried to touch him in comfort he snapped me back against the wall. In my second mistake I tried to push him off of me. That was the first time I was beaten.

Trying to escape I fled to a room and locked the door. He broke it in and in the process threw me into the wall. Concussions are lovely things. I have no idea how long I was out.I gently awoke hearing him scream to get up and he knew I was faking it. However I was not.

I left him that night and fled to a place of comfort. It was some time before I could forgive and try again. I didn't want to give up on love. I didn't want to give up on the man I knew was beneath spirits from a bottle.

Time went on and another familiar night and another familiar visit from the dark stranger that inhabited my love happened. This time a beating was not enough. I was violently raped. You have no idea how bad that feels to lose someone so dear by such a brutal act. A brutal act fueled by alcohol impairing judgement.

I lost a lot that night. It created one of the darkest times I have ever known.

Another love of mine was the social and happy drinker. He never was the violent type but he did make alcohol his preferred method to have fun and to socialize. He never knew how much he made me nervous or cry when I saw him like that.

He will never remember the times I carried him to bed took care of him when he was sick or was sure to keep things quiet the next day offering comfort in his recovery. I lost so much of him to alcohol and recovery from it. Don't mistake me he was a fun happy man when drunk. He had a sincere honesty I almost wish he had in real life, but the trade off to losing a love to bottle is a painful one.

Trading a chink of your life to have fun is not a good exchange.

There is only one time I allowed myself to indulge in alcohol freely. Oh jello shots can be so deceiving in their flavor. But sure enough they do impair. I could handle that so I tried a drink. One became two, three...

I recall things as in a fog. Its like some film of you but its not you acting. I recall being so drunk I stumbled and fell. I remember being carried to bed. I remember kissing a handsome man and I remember him trying to have sex with me. I also remember my mind screaming no but those words never reached my mouth or my arms.

I remember closing my eyes and just choosing to let the alcohol black me out than to experience sex that was not wanted. That was the last time I ever touched my lips to a bottle. That was the last time I allowed a drink to control me.

I have shed to many tears in life because of alcohol and its effects on me and others. I've spent to much time playing second fiddle to a drink that takes peoples time away from me. I've hurt and seen to much hurt from a night of inebriation.

I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. I'm not against alcohol. Having a drink with a meal or in celebration is fine. Even having a drink at the end of a trying day is fine. But moderation is a must. When you give your life to a bottle of some intoxicating liquid you burden yourself and others. You hurt yourself and others.

Please embrace life, a sober life. Please love, love yourself and others. Please know fun is abundant without a drink. Please don't hurt yourself or others. Please...

There are many stories I could tell you. These are just a few from a long life. I have forgiven all the pain visited on me by bottle of something or another. But the tears of that pain still well up in my eyes. The tears of lost love haunt the darker chambers of my heart.

Drink or don't it is your choice. But please know when that bottle touches your lips you begin to change your life and those around you. Maybe it won't be significant maybe it will be utter catastrophe but ts a gamble with life and love.

Please live a sober life. It can be a beautiful place when you see it from clear eyes and a loving heart.



Love is Never Wrong!

Resolutions of the Heart

Love, sweet love. It is the thing that can brighter our world and darken it to. It is a mystical emotion that drives us to be more than we are, that feeds us when we are hungry, and burns us when we are weak. For all its magical ride it is one of those things everyone should explore.

I could write a lifetime about love and still only touch on its entirety. What I would like to talk about today though is resolutions. Many of us find navigating the heart unknown territory or a winding road where we never know whats to come.

Imagine love to be a beautiful race horse or a sleek sports car with unbridled power. You are the one at its reigns or wheel. When love feels good we happily speed along enjoying the wonderful places we go. But as with all things going to fast sometimes we don't see the dangers along our path.

Relationships are delicate dances. They rely on us to nurture them and keep them stable. They rely on honesty and attention. And I think most importantly they rely on communication. If two of you are speeding along on loves path it is essential you look out for each other.

So what does this have to do with resolutions?  Today whether you are LGBT or anyone I see and hear about people being hurt by love. They carry their heartache into the next and don't fully embrace another. They in their caution and pain sabotage what might be the adventure of a lifetime.

This is why we should all have resolutions of the heart. We should live honestly and sincerely with others. We should communicate all the things that concern us and cause us concern. For if we do not we set a path that will likely end in peril.

More simply, if love begins to fade tell whoever you are with. Be honest, be sincere, and be loving. You entered a relationship with some sort of love, even if only as a friend, so end it in love as well. Give others the respect to resolve.

Have you ever known or felt the sting of someone cheating on you? Imagine the pain and anger you feel when you find out. It hits you like an avalanche. This is because the person who began to cheat also began to disconnect  from the relationship before you, engaged in another, and then when it is discovered waylays you like a highwayman.

Has there been a friend in your life that you suddenly found out spread lies about you? Maybe they used you for their own ends. Possibly they just stopped talking to you all together. They became a ghost that haunts your life. You may never know the why but you certainly feel the absence and pain.

Whatever the disconnect is, in whatever relationship, you must resolve to end it properly. Whatever the reason that causes a separation you must do so in love. And finally whatever reason you find to avoid the end confront it in honesty.

The very moment you begin to change or end a relationship you need to talk to the other person involved. You need to be honest and let them know things have changed. There may be pain, anger, discussion, and tears. But please do so. Everyone is Human and deserves respect.

When you deny a person the knowledge and time to deal with a change of the heart you hurt them. You hurt them intentionally. When you simply stop interaction with another you leave them in questions. You leave them wandering what they may have done. You to hurt them intentionally.

Love is about connections. When you touch another you begin forming all these wonderful lace like webs of connections that can enrich each of your lives. Just as surely when you rip them away you darken life. You leave someone in mourning.

This is why I tell you leave a relationship in love as you entered it. It is not a sin to lose interest, fall in love with another, feel hurt or betrayed. But to rip away bonds so suddenly and with no concern for another is.

I know there are exceptions to every rule. However the majority of life's connections deserve better. Be kind, give people time, and give people love. Do so even if it will cause pain. Because when you do so in secret or suddenly you only serve you and hurt another.

Build a life of love. Touch whoever comes into your life with love. Love those who leave your life as well. Love is giving and sharing, even when it ends.

Be love, extend love, and receive love,  Resolve the heart!



Love is Never Wrong!