Thursday, December 10, 2015

Learning to Live

One of my greatest struggles in life has been learning to live. Everyone seems to have a different take on what it means to live and few overlap. I think that is because each of us are not quite the same. Our diversity creates unique paths for us all.

The one thing I have learned we all have in common is desire. Be that a lust for helping others or seeking adrenaline rushes. We each seek to feel excitement, love, adventure, pride... We want to feel good. We want to feel needed. Most especially we want to feel loved.

It is easy to forget to live sometimes, with the problems that face us. We may be oppressed, hurt, confused, or even lost. All those negative emotions that cloud our vision and create false shadows that haunt our lives.

Allow me to share one of the most beautiful and affirming times in my life. I've told you about my troubles with "M" now let me tell you about the wonders.

"M" was the first to truly make me feel alive. He gave me love, respect, and dignity. His time was mine at the slightest need. He encouraged me to try new things, go new places, and just live in the moment.

He was the first to make me feel comfortable just being me. Others may have taught me peace and trust but so did "M" There is nothing quite like having someone you are so comfortable with and trust that you never have to question or second guess. There is nothing like being someones focus in life.

The utter rarity that was "M" was that a look, a touch, and a presence could inspire and relay so much love and beauty. I never doubted him in the good times. To me it was as though an angel descended from the heavens caressed my soul and made me weep tears of joy.

Such love is rare. It is why I fought so intensely for him. I faithfully stayed with him because I touched that which  I have touched with no other. I can't say how he felt but he lit a fire in my heart so strong the furthest star could see its beacon.

After my rough times with "M" he atoned for his mistakes. Just as I apologized if I had caused any thing to have hurt him. If I combined most of the men I have met in life they would not equal him. He reached out sought forgiveness and mended my heart. Now days it is so rare to find a man who not only accepts his success but also owns up to his mistakes and makes right.

For you see my friends that is part of living. We reach out touch, explore, learn and grow. Our hearts acknowledge darkness and light. We redeem ourselves and others. In that moment we transcend into something greater than ourselves. We touch the very fabric of the universe.

Whatever is the fire of your soul find it, light it, and gaze upon its wonder. Remember that sweet nectar that touches your lips and feed a hungry soul, for that is living. Only you know its recipe but when you create it it is a moment of eternity.

And to my dear love "M". I know your pride and your pain. I am sorry if revisiting old wounds may have caused you any pain. But you have to know, to me, love washed the hurt away long ago. Now it is the lesson for others to know and learn because even in our darkest times if we can help one soul avoid or overcome what we have walked then our discomfort is a fair price.

I may not walk with you anymore and time and space separates us. Our problems and struggles have come and gone. Know also I have only ever wanted you to be happy and know love. If someone else touches that heart of yours please explore it and live. Because if they can get just a sliver of what I received then they are blessed. I wish you peace and love. And maybe one day I'll meet my friend and love once more and we can share the many graces we created.

For all of you my dear readers touch that fire in your heart, whatever may spark it. Let its warmth engulf you and dazzle in its shimmer. It's ok because love does not burn. Only it's absence can do that.

Love is Never Wrong!

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