Tuesday, December 15, 2015

The Cruel Cycle

Today I want to talk about what I call the Cruel Cycle. The Cruel Cycle is the cycle of abuse. In many ways it is part habit, rut, addiction, pain, and certainly humiliation. However there are so many other words and facets missing from that list.

When you have been in abuse it never just ends with the act perpetrated against you. It can be a wound to  your very soul. It also may be a task to rebuild yourself once it is over. However the sad part is those who are abused usually suffer more than just a single act.

Like me there are some of us who have gone through years of pain and torture. If we add in the possibility of it occurring in childhood we magnify all those descriptions by a great magnitude. No child should ever be hurt.

Part of this horrible cycle is what comes after whatever has hurt you. The pain and humiliation can be so hard to allow you to express. You can shut down socially, you can be so overprotective you shut people out of becoming to close, you learn to lie and deflect to hide yourself, and you lose yourself.

I think the last one is the hardest. We don't always realize we have lost ourselves. All those protective acts erode the foundations of who we are. Sometimes people who undergo abuse for to long begin to take on elements of their abuser. They can be brainwashed like any victim.

This sadly to is part of the cycle. Many abusers are carrying on what may have happened to them. Some may be deluded. They see their acts as something else. They may even feel justified in their acts. Abuse is never right but we must acknowledge it and the acts that may have created it.

In this cruel cycle lives are ripped and torn. Lives become shattered or lost. Having lived in this cycle I can tell you there is only one solution to it. The cycle must end. Regardless of victim or abuser it must end.

Both sides need help. Both sides have to heal and recover. Abusers must come to terms with their act and learn to stop. Abused need to learn to forgive and rise again. This is no easy task. It may take a very long time to undo some damage and pains. But we must try.

We should also know in all honesty that you may never forget but like all wounds they can heal. They may leave scars and they may remind you causing sympathetic pain but they do heal. Our hearts can rise again. Our security and confidence can recover. Our love can be expressed and shared.

The cruel cycle is exactly that, cruel. It is rarely ever simple or one sided. There are no easy fixes and simple solutions. However love must be it's starting point. We must love ourselves and as hard as it may be we must love those who have hurt us. Because if we can not forgive we can not heal. If we can not forgive our pain will linger and fester slowly making us just as bad as those who hurt us.

Forgiveness does not mean you forget. If we truly forget we only open a path to repeat mistakes in our lives. Live and learn. Grow and thrive. Love and forgive. I know all to well some may see this as unfathomable but love is the path to redemption and recovery.

Whatever our pains or sins we must end the cycle. Let it be in love so that the next generation never has to know the pains we have survived. I think that is the best we can hope for. Creating a future free of the Cruel Cycle is the greatest love we can extend.

No one should live a life of pain. Let us live lives of love.

Love is Never Wrong!

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