I always talk about love but rarely romantic love beyond the greater soul. So today is my attempt to share a bit, resolve a bit, and forgive a bit.
One of the greatest gifts in life is love. We crave it so dearly and don't always receive enough of it. It's value is beyond priceless and can make a life or destroy it. But either way we take something from it, whenever it touches us.
In my time I've been touched by some. Some I have touched. Still more I chased after with the silly notion love conquers all. Love can melt a heart but the heart must be open to it and the love given must be unconditional.
Some in life we must love without return. Others we must caress in their anguish and sorrow. And sadly some we must rekindle the very spark that can set the flame of love ablaze. In these wondrous adventures we can find solace, resolve, and utter joy.
What some won't tell you though is sometimes we find pain. Sometimes we must shed tears and mourn in regret. Love is not perfect. It is a wild thing that when we are ready can be that which is indescribable.
I've loved or tried to love everyone I have ever told such. And I have failed miserably at times. But even then I still hold those in my heart. And those who did light my flame into a raging inferno you are treasures I will always remember and call upon for guidance, strength, and to brighten the dark times.
Sometimes with you all I wish I could share all the love, pain, joys, and sorrows of my life. At times it has been cruel and dark yet when it was bright it was a glorious unending day. So to the few that haunt my heart roaming down its many halls and chambers I say this...
A, thank you for your undieing devotion. You are more than I deserve. I am glad you have been there. If I had a chance with that precious heart of yours I would fight to the end of time for you. But I know it belongs to another. So I accept humbly to just be your loving friend.
M, you were quite possibly my favorite on many levels. I fought to ignite that spark and lift you up. I'm sorry I could not be there for you in the end but life does not always give us choices. You know I have forgiven all the pain you gave me and you are still a fond memory. Wherever you are I hope you finally have peace.
T, you my dear love were pure energy and excitement. You made me happy when your time was mine. But sadly that was always the problem. I was an accessory to your life not the focus. Your quest for life and excitement colored your world to an extreme I am not quite sure you even know. I have always been there for you and always shall. And I am thankful, so have you. Find love and embrace it without question or restriction. Share that beauty inside you with someone special.
R, you were and are my most dearest regret. It took you so long to realize my value and sincerity. Then you pull the rug out from under me at the end. The flame still burns but is forever off limits. Sometimes things burn to hot and hurt.
E, what can I say. You never truly let me all the way in. In my blindness I forced my way in, only for you to blame me for the love you would not give. I have my suspicions why but I don't know for sure. What I do know is I wish you shared that bit of your soul. You would have been safe and loved.
To all I have hurt, it was never intentional. I certainly don't pretend to know it all or how to handle all things. But I can assure you all I have been here with love.
I think in our lives we must acknowledge all of our loves, even those that are utter disasters. If we don't we leave holes that we can spend eternity trying to patch aimlessly. But like the wave crashing into a sandcastle it fades away. Only solid things can support weight.
Love in your life. Enjoy it for what it is. It may not be glorious or all consuming but it is the song that makes our lives beat in time with the heart. Good or bad it is a treasure that can fuel a thousand suns. And what a wondrous glow when it does. <3
Love is Never Wrong!