Sunday, September 13, 2015

When Sex Becomes a Weapon

One of my earliest posts was to those who have been abused. It is an important and personal issue with me. I know all to well the savagery and cruelty sexual abuse can bring. The lives it destroys or cripples is horrifying.

Beginning when I was still a child I had a family member rape and molest me for years. They were some of the darkest times in my life. The pain, guilt, and confusion haunted me for far to long. The legacy of that time resonated across my life. Some things you can never forget or un-experience.

I've mentioned before sometimes you can have problems that would take many lives to resolve. As far as I have come in life I can say with surety I still have  a ways to go. But I am at a place where I have forgiven the pain inflicted upon me. Some things you can not hold onto without a cost ever so high.

One of the hardest things of this time was sorting my sexuality from the abuse. That was a task to be sure. However I am sure of who I am and who I always was. For all of you who have or are going through this know this, no one is your master except you. You are the key, the lock, and the walls you erect to defend yourself.

Love your self. Forgive the pain. Let go of the pain. It is ever so hard. Some shadows walk in the light but the truth is they are merely reflections that trick the heart into believing they are real. And you know what? What has happened is the past, not the present.

Everyone is different but the one true step to peace is letting go. Tell someone. Find a person you trust and tell them. Don't worry when those tears begin to fall and your body aches and your mind screams you are going to forever break. Beautiful things survive to remind the world of hope. And you are beautiful. You are deserving of love and peace.

In my adult life I have known the pain of a love beating me and raping me. If you read my last post that would be "M".  Using sex to get what you want or drive home a point is horrific and vile. M lashed out in a horrible way.

Dealing with this after a childhood of this was quite unbearable. I made "A" cry when he came to my aid. At that moment not even his love could ignite a spark in me. It took a very long time for me to heal.

And the good thing is I did heal. Oh I won't lie, I have my scars. However, such things slowly fade and become less noticeable.  You know they are there and why but they no longer hurt. I guess that's my message. You have to love.

You must love yourself. You must extend trust to others and allow them to show you love. You must leave the past in the past. Like the scar that gently fades you must know that is but a part of you not all the wonderful things that make you who you are.  And it certainly does not define you.

Your soul, and your love is yours. No one can hold onto those without your permission. So shine and rise above the cruelty shown to you. Release it to others who love. And please raise your head and let the sun fall upon your face. Sometimes we need a warm embrace.

Hope and love are the greatest ointments for the soul. Use regularly!

Love is Never Wrong!

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